Saturday, August 29, 2009

hand-me-down experiences

So for many months now, I've been dreamless. But last night I dreamt that monkeys were raping human women. There was nothing graphic in the dream; nothing perverse even.

It seemed the natural thing for them to do; to turn from senselessly, indifferently, raping male and female members of their own kind to doing it to a different kind.

I wasn't being raped.

And I couldn't identify any of those who were being raped.

Everything was anonymous and figures had turned landscapial - as if there was nothing the human verge hadn't experienced and made ordinary.

Funnily, I didn't wake with that jolty feeling that accompanies vivid, weird dreams.

I'm not about to do some sort of Freudian analysis or issue myself for dream-ironing therapy, but since I don't night-dream so often, I thought I'd think about this one I've had. But like most times when I get my thoughts to purposively attend to something, I blocked up and suddenly all I could remember was Auden's "The Shield of Achilles".

And so I feel sometimes that every experience I have for the rest of my life will only be understood by the things I've read and the skin I was given to feel them. This bugs me.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

To Loving Learn

I am the occurrence of salt, slime, wist, will, living, repulsing, all within the chassis of my skin.
I am the occurrence at-once of all these things, but all these things in changing minglings.
But what is this I say?
It is but the shying cry of Know Thyself. It is but this cry, sublimated, made personal and projectile, uncreased on virtual paper like the rain is uncreased by the windscreen wiper.
And I am my own peculiar advantage.

Why we must oxidise

We're terribly asunder, aren't we?
God, Naina, I have no idea what you mean, but I'd really like to get home and shower. My skin's rubbed with the smell of beach.

You know what's happening to our relationship, don't you? It's oxidising.
Why on earth would it oxidise, Naina?
Because that's what relationships do. They oxidise, go black about the edges and start to smell like blood.

Why do relationships do that?
Because it's the only way they can breathe.